At work a co-worker asked for a drink for their “drive down the hill.” I thought they said their “descent into hell.” I began to think about what drink I would want if I were venturing into Hell. I think I’d ask for milk and honey, cuz I’m pretty sure they won’t have either of these things going into hell. And while discussing our last request beverage of choice with another co-worker, I was convinced I’d wanna booze it up some to settle the nerves. Since I’d be going into hell. So what I’ve settled on is Bärenjäger and cream, chilled of course. I just need to come up with a good name for it.

My roommate introduced me to “Spaced” this morning. Watching episode 3, during Brian’s ex-girlfriend’s theatrical art piece, I was cracking up at how committed this show was to its absurdity. I really appreciated how committed they were to the bit.
After all the ridiculousness that was this performance, she took a bow, received a weak smattering of applause, and, without pulling up from her bowed position, told the audience that she was not finished. She stayed bent over in silence.
I sat and stared with this smile on my face, then I started full-on laughing, then laughing even harder. And then I felt the joke had run its course, as I waited and waited for her to declare the performance “finished”. Finally, after five minutes of this avaunt-guard suspense, my roommate came back into the room and told me that the DVD had froze, at the Best Possible Moment.

spent my first night in my new apartment. Nothing is unpacked. When I woke up hungry for breakfast, I remembered I had a packet of oatmeal and an apple. All I had to dig out of the boxes was a tea kettle, which was an easy find. But because I’m an idiot, I forgot I also need a bowl to put the oatmeal in. After some more digging, I found a piece of tupperware that would do. Then I remembered I also need a fork to eat it with. I already poured the hot water into the oatmeal. There was no turning back now. So I bit into my apple. I ate it until I carved out a spoonish shape into the apple so I could scoop up the oatmeal and eat it from my apple. And because the oatmeal was cinnamon and spice flavored, they went together perfectly. I’m the most brilliant idiot there is.

One of my besties got me a folder with a unicorn you could spin on a wheel of unicorn hobbies. You spin the unicorn and it's horn answers the necessary question, What Would a Unicorn Do?

I couldn't decide whether to keep applying for jobs like I had done all morning, or to take a break and do something else. I spun the unicorn and it told me "Chase a Rainbow". Clearly it meant I should continue to pursue the pot of gold that are often associated with rainbows and made into a metaphor of wealth. But I thought before I follow the unicorns advice, I'll get a drink. I grabbed a cup, pulled out some ice cubes, and cracked open a soda. The soda immediately foamed up and spat through the barely ajar cap like a clown's seltzer-water all over my shirt and pants. And no where else.
I sat down and resumed applying for jobs in my soda-drenched clothes.
You do what the unicorn tells you to do and nothing else.

After spending all morning scurrying in and out of the apartment, looking for my professional resume envelopes, I managed to get my resume and cover letter in the mail, just before the postman left the building.
Five minutes later, I find out that job has already been filled.

Helpful Tip: If you’re stepping out for a few hours, cook some back right before you leave and turn the fan on. When you return, the permeating smell of delicious bacon will be there to greet you.

Something I've noticed about LA: Rather than slowing down, drivers prefer to flash their lights at you to warn you that their car is quickly approaching.

I wanted to hop on Internet Explorer real quick to take care of an errand before bed. What I did instead was learn there is never a good reason to open Explorer.

Whenever I read a news story about a new advancement in time travel, and the new theory only allows travel into the future, I wonder to myself "then what's the point?"