Kevin's Excellent Audition

I’m a huge fan of Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure. I couldn’t really tell you why, I just love it. In high school I found out Universal Studios Orlando had this show they do every year for Halloween where Bill and Ted host a chaotic stage show of pop culture references and parodied characters. It’s basically pure craziness and fun on stage, centered around Bill and Ted. Ever since I heard about the show I’ve made it my goal to be part of that show. Every year I’ve had the chance to audition, I auditioned. This year was my sixth attempt. I finally made it all the way to the end of the audition, and I feel most triumphant.

So, going back a bit, I always wanted to play Ted “Theodore” Logan. Each year I would audition as Ted, and each year I would be called back for him and a major villain from whatever year it was. Like, Magneto, Sylar, Anton Chigurh… Each year I’d give a great read, get laughs, and make it past the cut onto the dance portion of the callback. And each year I would get after doing my best to follow along with the dancers. I’d always accept that I wasn’t a dancer and it’s no surprise I wasn’t picked for a very dance-heavy show. But it would also be frustrating watching the show each year and be unimpressed with the Ted onstage not living up to my fanboy expectation. After one year, when the repeatedly cast Ted actor decided not to do the role and I once again was not cast to replace him, I pretty much gave up on ever getting to play Ted. Much less be part of the show.
The next year I moved to California to do Halloween Horror Nights at Universal Studios Hollywood. But I missed out on the Bill & Ted Halloween Spectacular auditions. I, of course, still participated in HHN. And of course, I watched the show. Much to my surprise, I liked the Ted. I thought he looked the part, and he acted it well. Once again, I pretty much gave up hope of replacing the repeat choice, but I wasn’t bitter about it. I was just happy there was a good Ted on state. Still! I wanted to play the role! So I auditioned the following year, just so see what would happened. And once again, I was called back for Ted, then cut after the dance portion. It was very clear what it was I needed to improve upon if I were ever going to get into this show.

Two years later. I’m auditioning for the show again. However, this time I decide to audition as the major villain from the year, Loki. I love the character, I look the part, and every person I mentioned I was auditioning as him to would get wide eyed and proclaim I would be a perfect Loki. I felt great about it. I wrote up a monologue about how Halloween is the perfect occasion to bow down to the God of Mischief. I was ready for this one, and very excited to play the part, even if only for a minute. When my time to audition came, I sauntered in, slowly delivered my speech, and had a great audition.
I made it past the first cut. Now it was onto the dance portion. Things were different this year. Rather than have us dance to an overly poppy and happy remixed top 40 hit like Bill & Ted auditions usually do, they had us dance to an overly poppy and remixed version of Gotye’s smash “Somebody I Used to Know”, which has a very frustrated tone. So this year, they didn’t want us to smile and have that feeling of frustration instead. That made things easier on me. I felt inspired for this song, and it totally fit the Loki vibe I was trying to play. And the number itself was a lot of fun. I would’ve smiled and been happy dancing to it, but it’s so much more fun to be angsty when dancing to pop music. I have to say, I had a good grasp of the dance, despite some trippy footwork timing. And I was enjoying the hell out of having angry arm gestures and stomping to an artist I really like. I was having fun, I had a darn good grasp on the routine, and I was feeling pretty confident. But, like every year, as soon as they put us into small groups and had me do it for the judges, I screwed it up.
I thought this year was sure to be no different than every other year. But before I could collect my stuff to go feel that way, they wanted the guys to do one more thing. You ever heard of a shirt check? Cuz I hadn’t. But I knew exactly what it was. I’ve seen this show enough to know what they were looking for. All the guys, most of whom are dancers and stuntmen, lined up and took our shirts off. I did my best not to think twice about it. Or consider that I haven’t even worn short sleeves in public for half a year, with exception to one day in which I cropped a great deal of photos to keep people from knowing just how skinny I had become. So I took my shirt off and stood there like I wasn’t freaking out at all. And when they had seen enough, I walked out returning my two shirts to their rightful place and headed back to the waiting area to await judgement. When they came out with the golden tickets, I did my best to stay optimistic, like I do every year. I started changing my outfit, cuz ‘they’ll need me to wear this to do that cuz they still want me.’ And while I sat there like I wasn’t freaking out at all, they called my number.
It took me a moment to realize that had just happened. But when I did I stood up and couldn’t help but grin from ear to ear. I was so proud. I was so excited! I made it past my ceiling! I finally made it past the one part that had thwarted me time and time again. I couldn’t believe it. I was ecstatic. I felt so privileged to have been chosen. And I was well aware I was not cast, and this meant very little in the long run. But I was just so proud. And relieved. This was a huge deal for me.

Today were the callbacks. The real callbacks. The one they told us to bring our game face for. It consisted of cold reads of sides, which I had done before with Universal Orlando. For the sake of not jinxing anything I am not going to get into what I read. But I will say it was not Loki. (Too tall.) But I will say that, just as in past years, I gave a pretty darn good read, got a laugh, and felt great about that portion of the callback. Then it was back to dancing.
They told us it would be a more intense dance number. I’m not sure what to think about it. I want to say it was easier, but it may just have been more fun. Or maybe just more akin to the sporadic style of hip hop dancing I do. Whatever it was, I was digging this combination. No clue about the song, but I was having a lot of fun with the dance. I felt like I had a great grasp of it too. But, I was totally aware that I’ve felt that way before, so I would mark through it every couple of plays just to make sure I wouldn’t forget a step. Well, I ended up being in the last group to go, so I had plenty of practice. It was just three of us, and I knew the other two weren’t big dancers which means I couldn’t leach off of them should I forget a step and need to get back on track. If I was gonna pull this off, I’d have to trust myself. So I got ready, took a deep breath, and then I threw all my nerves out the window and just partied with this dance number. I had fun. I just danced! I mean, I did all the right steps when they wanted me to do it. But I can’t imagine what my face looked like. Knowing me, I was making all kinds of stupid faces. Stupid, cocky, hamming-it-up faces. I had this. I was rockin’ this dance! We did two rounds of it. I got a little sharper the second time. And then we were all done. They thanked us for our time and talent, which I really did appreciate, and then I returned to the waiting area.

I really didn’t know what to feel this time. Or what to convince myself of how I should try to feel. But they came out to make one more cut. This was it. After this it would just be improv, which I always always always hoped to get to cuz I knew I could impress, and company paperwork like stuff. If I was going to go home, it would be right now. Being one of the last people to dance, I had to wait through the whole list of random numbers until finally, hopefully, if-only-ly…. 18. I was called. They wanted me back. They wanted me to continue in the audition. I could have crowed I was so excited. I honestly could not believe I had gotten this far. I still can’t. I became very familiar with the feeling of having been cut from this audition. Five times. This feeling though… this one was new. I freaking loved it!

After a break to get some lunch, I returned to the auditioning process for one more go at the dance, just for kicks, some light improv, and a whole lot of fun. For the sake of respecting their audition process and what they probably want people not to blather all over the internet, I will not say what went on and what they were looking for this round. And honestly that’s not the point. I don’t even care. When I was walking away to go have lunch I had to keep telling myself that I still needed to care about the rest of the audition. I was just so happy that I had made it past my dancing handicap and gotten as far as I did. I was so happy! Anything past that would just be icing on the cake. If I didn’t get cast I wouldn’t be upset at all. I mean, don’t get me wrong! I would LOVE to finally be a part of this show And as happy, honored, and proud as I am now, I can’t even tell you how big a deal it would be for me if I actually got cast. But for now, I’m thrilled just to been as successful as I have been today. I feel like Lincoln just announced how awesome I was to my whole high school class.

I mean it, I love that movie.

[wails on electric air guitar]

At work a co-worker asked for a drink for their “drive down the hill.” I thought they said their “descent into hell.” I began to think about what drink I would want if I were venturing into Hell. I think I’d ask for milk and honey, cuz I’m pretty sure they won’t have either of these things going into hell. And while discussing our last request beverage of choice with another co-worker, I was convinced I’d wanna booze it up some to settle the nerves. Since I’d be going into hell. So what I’ve settled on is Bärenjäger and cream, chilled of course. I just need to come up with a good name for it.

SDCC or Bust or Best Offer

Last week it finally sank in that San Diego Comic-Con had been pushed up two weeks from their usual dates. Then I realized I had completely mismanaged my time. Had they stuck with the last weekend of July like they usually do, my costumes would be ready, my hair would be the right length, I’d have money… heck, maybe I would even be in the shape I want for con season. But no, I had a week. What to do, what to do. Lucky for me, I planned costumes that I, Kevin Allen non-sewer, could put together fairly easy. Trouble is, as quick and painless as these costumes are in comparison with most of the stuff people wear at SDCC, they each required one troublesome item to make it work. So now I had to figure out what to do about each of these items. It would be hard, but I think I could pull it off. So long as I keep in mind I’ve come down to the last minute every other year, and there’s no reason this year should be different. I’d have just enough money to pull it off, so that. And I made plans with friends on where to stay, what to wear, who to hang out with… I could do this.

Thursday night. One week to SDCC. While at rehearsal with Pirates For Hire, my car gets towed. I’m out $280some dollars. So much for everything. Now I don’t have the money to go Comic-Con, let alone dress up for it. The event I’ve been rehearsing for is no longer to get some extra income, it’s to break even. The days I pushed to get off work will now be wasted. Just my luck. A week ‘til Comic-Con.

The next day I got a pay check, that puts me just over broke. And with my foolhardy determination and refusal to let life get the better of me, the thought is now in my head about how I can pull this off. I’m well aware it’s a bad idea. That there’s so much more I could use money for instead. That there’s more important things I could use my time for. But I really wanna go. And my unwavering determination to follow through with my goals tells me that afford the last pieces for my costumes if I skip out on paying for a room and instead sleep in my car. Then again, at this point I can’t even do the two costumes I was most excited for. The ones which are perfectly relevant this summer. But there’s still the last two I can do. And it’d still be fun to be there. And I have a variant cover I need to get artists to draw on. It would still be worth it, right?
I have been dwelling on this non-stop, and I still can’t make up my mind. I know what my logical, rational mind is telling me. But then there’s the rest of me, the adventurous spirit who sees all these dilemmas as mere challenges, who believes it can be done. And if it can be done, why not let it be done. Then it says “don’t answer that rational side.”
Honestly the biggest reason for me to want to go is simply just to not be thwarted. I know people says “there’s always next year.” But I said that last year. And this I got a pro pass. And this year I was putting my own costumes together. And this year I was gonna do my own thing. Granted two of those things are now on infinite hiatus. But still! I won’t get a second chance with Dragon*Con because I’ll be away with Pirates For Hire. And after getting my car towed for them I’m certainly gonna stick with them until something positive comes out if it again.

I’m just so… disappointed that I can’t do those two outfits. If there ever was a right time to do them, it would be now. Personally I’d prefer two weeks from now, but now. And as far as the other two, they’re still awesome! I just don’t mind waiting for them. I mind waiting for the first two. And regardless, I still want to go away and have fun for a few days. I want to hang out with friends. I want to see sights and get my picture taken. I want to not be defeated, still be involved, and continue having that adventurous summer I continue to strive for.
I’m so used to being the “all or nothing” type. And I’m trying to work on that and remind myself that just cuz I don’t have all four outfits, and that each one of them is not perfect, is no reason to scrap everything. But as long as I keep that in mind, I’ll want to do as much as humanly possible to take part in SDCC as much as humanly possible. Which is why I can’t pick a simple “yes I will” or “no I won’t. maybe next time.”

I’ve got a few days, give or take to figure this out, maybe get those last pieces, and clean out my car.

Being creepy at the Labyrinth of the Jareth

This past weekend I had the privilege of performing at the Labyrinth of Jareth Masquerade Ball. It's a "fantasy masque event" obviously inspired by Jim Henson's Labyrinth, particularly the "As the World Falls Down" scene. Just like in the scene, everyone dresses in their finest fantasy-inspired formal costumes and masks to enjoy a lavish ball celebrating lavish fantasy inspired costumes. I'd say the wardrobe and make-up community takes the opportunity to show off their work, but in truth, it's probably mostly costumers who just feel like going all out once a year.
It's an event that as an amateur-at-best costumer I've always been intimidated by. I attended last year as Prince Lir with other friends all dressed from The Last Unicorn. My costume was pretty spot on, though not entirely complete. And despite many compliments and praise on the costume and the rest of my unicorn entourage, I still felt underdressed. Trust me, people go all out on Labyrinth.

Anyway, a friend of mine called me up and asked if I would be interested in joining the cast. At the time I had no money to build a costume and buy a ticket, so being given a role to perform at the event was the perfect solution. I joined up, came in to meet the team, and eventually got to rehearsals. As I'm getting inducted into the cast and crew, I gotta say I felt really out of place. Not only because I was a last-minute addition to a fairly well established clique of performers, but because I knew nothing of the show element of LoJ. Not only was I shamefully unaware of the shows last year, I had no clue of what this year's one was about. They told me I would be playing a Lich, who rule of the Talisk, a race of Dark Elves who branched off to practice soul sucking as a method of self preservation rather than the other group who--and then I was explained the long history of elvish politics. This started with them asking me, do you know what a dark elf is, and me cautiously responding with "...an elf, but.. darker?" Eventually I caught up on my role in the production, and the show in general, but I never really had a grasp on it. Still, as long as I knew my part, I was fine. I could tell this was a great group of people who were passionate about creating a quality show and fully capable of doing so. And they were really nice. When it comes down to it, that's all I need to work.
So now it was time my scene. I was playing a relatively small role, only needed for two scenes. In the more involved scene, I come out to drain the energy from our leading lady so that I may restore my own life force and continue existing. If I recall correctly, the directory wanted me and my lich companion to appear as broken when we moved, and remain low, so that when we are first seen, not only is it creepy, but it shows that we are weary and frail creatures despite being a totally powerful threat. Then we suck some soul from the heroes and we can stand erect, rejuvenated once more, and we can continue from there. So when it came time, I mustered up my HHN experience and walked out with every joint I had bent and moved in a jagged line until I reached my victim, where I hunched over, then convulsed my chest, let my arms follow in the motion, and for some reason thought standing on foot would help illustrate what was going on. After a few goes at it, talking with the lich girl and playing around until we got what we wanted out of it, and still standing on one foot like it's a good idea, we had the physicality of the Lich crafted. Which is good, because we were also told the Lich can only communicate by movement anyway.

So here's where I start to brag. The director was pleasantly surprised with how well I moved as this decrepit being. I got praise and a few constructive notes, which made me feel really good about being thrown into this show and having to catch up to the team of very talented dancers and a practicing troupe of stunt-fighters who were brought in for the same scene I was in. What made me feel even better was at the end of the night when the fight choreographer came up to shake me hand and tell me good job. This was a big deal because the troupe was SFI, and he was one of the instructors, and I was this kid who was looking to join up with them. I don't know if he was joking or not, but I could have sworn I heard him lean into the director during one of my run-throughs and say "I wanna work with this guy." I was ecstatic. Whether or not that is true, having him come up after to tell me I'm doing good work still made me feel awesome. And as if that wasn't enough, the director told me I should look up a certain play, because "if [I] can talk as half as good as [I] can move", she wants to work with me on this play. How awesome is that?! I could've just been offered a hearty role in a pretty cool sounding play from a rehearsal! And to keep me invested in this group of people, not that they really needed to, these two came up to me after most every rehearsal and reminded me that I'm still doing very well. Which I never tire of hearing. It's always good to know I'm doing good work and making my directors happy.
As rehearsals continued my lich companion and I got compliments from others who were coming in to the rehearsals to see what was going on. And by compliments I mean people saying we were genuinely creepy and looked really messed up. That made me feel so good, which is odd. Honestly, I can't tell how I'm coming across, and to be perfectly truthful, I can only imagine that I look like I'm just convulsing around like a dingus, so I welcome reassurance in that what I'm doing works. Especially when I'm surprised to hear one of our rehearsals is going to be broadcast.
So finally the weekend we've all been waiting for comes. My costume is wicked, they scrapped the prosthetic I was supposed to wear which makes me happy, and I'm well rehearsed. I'm very excited for the night to come. The first of the two nights only involves my smaller scene in the grand ballroom, so most of the night is spent wandering around with my horde of talisk minions, just bein' creepy. We had a whole fellowship of evil in our group, and I declared myself the Lich King. Mostly because of wanting to reference Adventure Time, partially because there was only one male lich, but also because I had warrior guards, scouts, a handler, and a grand something-or-other-lady who kept everyone in line. The pretty-boy host of the event Sypher may have his court, and they may own the place, but I had my own. And ours was way more badass.

But I digress. We're out to entertain the guests and give an appetizer of curiosity toward to grand production. Whenever we cross paths with the elves we have a stare down, or whenever I see a Knight of Sypher I cower behind my warrior minions. Actually, I do a lot of cowering. All the time. The other lich and I were informed that we are totally afraid of a fight. Cuz we're old. And because I'm old I'm holding onto one of my helper talis every time I walk down a flight of stairs. It made for a grand entrance most every time, which I found amusing. I'm sure most every single one of the guests didn't realize we were part of the show. They just assumed we were a group of fans who were way too into their costumes. We had people coming up to guess what we were, and then felt "completely dissed" when we wouldn't respond in English. I had someone come up and compliment my leather work, then persistently suggest I enter a contest they heard about. It was kinda awkward. Still not as awkward as when I would point out friends and say something raspy to them, thinking that since the prosthetic was gone I was easily recognizable, but instead only getting legitimately weirded out looks. Later I toned down the character so I could actually get to spend some time with a few of my friends who I was very excited to see without creeping them out. At least not too much. Still, the night was spent with me wandering around in character, trying to incorporate all the weirdness I had been directed and encouraged on, and hoping it creates an impression.
Saturday night was the big night though. At least for me. This was when I got some good stage time and get to fight a knight with dark side of the force powers. I was hella excited for that. Unfortunately, preparing for the night was about as rocky as it could get. I'm not hear to bad mouth, but I'll say that problems arose and we had a very late entrance to the ball. We didn't do nearly as much walking around as before. And when we did, it was rather hurried. I didn't get to fall back and see anyone like I had the previous night. Still, I remained excited for the stage performance. Our group had grown, and despite attempts to get all the talisk together in the same badass way we had on Friday night, it just wasn't happening. So when time came the seven of us made our way backstage, and had an incredibly kickass performance. The audience responded really well, as they are expected to do when six simultaneous epic fights are happening on one stage. I, however, was very surprised how well they responded when the Lich entered. Even more so when I had my moment of playing puppetmaster with my opposing knight. Then Sypher shows up and everybody goes crazy, cuz he's a boss. Way more a boss than the Lich King. But aside from probably never showing my face toward the audience, I had a great performance. And then I was off. Quick as that. Short, but awesome.
We stuck around in the stairwell so that we may join in the company bow at the end of the whole show. So we did that. And then everybody started dancing, which I didn't know was going to happen. I didn't feel much like sticking around for that, so I and my Lich queen left. But... we had agreed to be a part of one last attempt at having a throwndown with the elves in their courtyard, so we did that. I wouldn't say it went smoothly, but we finally pulled it off. Once again, I helped kill a guy, felt refreshed, and left. It was a pretty good note to end on. Though I'm sure everyone watching was thoroughly confused.
After that I once again changed as quickly as I could into my own costume to head down and join the ball as a guest, where I would then be free to hold a conversation and eye contact with my friends. And I also got to stand up straight and not feign that I'm about to fall over every five steps, and that felt great. I did, however, keep the all black outfit and mask motif.