Last week it finally sank in that San Diego Comic-Con had been pushed up two weeks from their usual dates. Then I realized I had completely mismanaged my time. Had they stuck with the last weekend of July like they usually do, my costumes would be ready, my hair would be the right length, I’d have money… heck, maybe I would even be in the shape I want for con season. But no, I had a week. What to do, what to do. Lucky for me, I planned costumes that I, Kevin Allen non-sewer, could put together fairly easy. Trouble is, as quick and painless as these costumes are in comparison with most of the stuff people wear at SDCC, they each required one troublesome item to make it work. So now I had to figure out what to do about each of these items. It would be hard, but I think I could pull it off. So long as I keep in mind I’ve come down to the last minute every other year, and there’s no reason this year should be different. I’d have just enough money to pull it off, so that. And I made plans with friends on where to stay, what to wear, who to hang out with… I could do this.
Thursday night. One week to SDCC. While at rehearsal with Pirates For Hire, my car gets towed. I’m out $280some dollars. So much for everything. Now I don’t have the money to go Comic-Con, let alone dress up for it. The event I’ve been rehearsing for is no longer to get some extra income, it’s to break even. The days I pushed to get off work will now be wasted. Just my luck. A week ‘til Comic-Con.
The next day I got a pay check, that puts me just over broke. And with my foolhardy determination and refusal to let life get the better of me, the thought is now in my head about how I can pull this off. I’m well aware it’s a bad idea. That there’s so much more I could use money for instead. That there’s more important things I could use my time for. But I really wanna go. And my unwavering determination to follow through with my goals tells me that afford the last pieces for my costumes if I skip out on paying for a room and instead sleep in my car. Then again, at this point I can’t even do the two costumes I was most excited for. The ones which are perfectly relevant this summer. But there’s still the last two I can do. And it’d still be fun to be there. And I have a variant cover I need to get artists to draw on. It would still be worth it, right?
I have been dwelling on this non-stop, and I still can’t make up my mind. I know what my logical, rational mind is telling me. But then there’s the rest of me, the adventurous spirit who sees all these dilemmas as mere challenges, who believes it can be done. And if it can be done, why not let it be done. Then it says “don’t answer that rational side.”
Honestly the biggest reason for me to want to go is simply just to not be thwarted. I know people says “there’s always next year.” But I said that last year. And this I got a pro pass. And this year I was putting my own costumes together. And this year I was gonna do my own thing. Granted two of those things are now on infinite hiatus. But still! I won’t get a second chance with Dragon*Con because I’ll be away with Pirates For Hire. And after getting my car towed for them I’m certainly gonna stick with them until something positive comes out if it again.
I have been dwelling on this non-stop, and I still can’t make up my mind. I know what my logical, rational mind is telling me. But then there’s the rest of me, the adventurous spirit who sees all these dilemmas as mere challenges, who believes it can be done. And if it can be done, why not let it be done. Then it says “don’t answer that rational side.”
Honestly the biggest reason for me to want to go is simply just to not be thwarted. I know people says “there’s always next year.” But I said that last year. And this I got a pro pass. And this year I was putting my own costumes together. And this year I was gonna do my own thing. Granted two of those things are now on infinite hiatus. But still! I won’t get a second chance with Dragon*Con because I’ll be away with Pirates For Hire. And after getting my car towed for them I’m certainly gonna stick with them until something positive comes out if it again.
I’m just so… disappointed that I can’t do those two outfits. If there ever was a right time to do them, it would be now. Personally I’d prefer two weeks from now, but now. And as far as the other two, they’re still awesome! I just don’t mind waiting for them. I mind waiting for the first two. And regardless, I still want to go away and have fun for a few days. I want to hang out with friends. I want to see sights and get my picture taken. I want to not be defeated, still be involved, and continue having that adventurous summer I continue to strive for.
I’m so used to being the “all or nothing” type. And I’m trying to work on that and remind myself that just cuz I don’t have all four outfits, and that each one of them is not perfect, is no reason to scrap everything. But as long as I keep that in mind, I’ll want to do as much as humanly possible to take part in SDCC as much as humanly possible. Which is why I can’t pick a simple “yes I will” or “no I won’t. maybe next time.”
I’m so used to being the “all or nothing” type. And I’m trying to work on that and remind myself that just cuz I don’t have all four outfits, and that each one of them is not perfect, is no reason to scrap everything. But as long as I keep that in mind, I’ll want to do as much as humanly possible to take part in SDCC as much as humanly possible. Which is why I can’t pick a simple “yes I will” or “no I won’t. maybe next time.”
I’ve got a few days, give or take to figure this out, maybe get those last pieces, and clean out my car.
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