Last Monday I had an audition for a huge project. So big that I signed a confidentiality agreement for the audition. And since then I've been losing my mind over whether I'd hear back from them on it, and that I can't tell anyone about it!
I changed my Facebook status to inform my friends "Kevin Allen has his biggest audition yet today at 3. He asks for your good thoughts and energy. Thank you." I've mentioned that I've had auditions and asked for good luck before, but this time I was overwhelmed with response from my friends. Not only in how many wished me good luck and were rooting for me, but in quality too. One friend of mine mentioned she was praying on my behalf. That's incredibly sweet and thoughtful, and I'm grateful for my wonderful friends. And they helped. I had a practically perfect audition, everything went just how I hoped it would, and I think all that good energy was a big part of it. When I saw the audition noticed, I really wanted the part, and I knew that I would be perfect for it. I started doing research on how to best portray the character, and in doing so, I stumbled across info about the movie. I discovered it was a MUCH bigger project than I thought, there was buzz on the internet, and I was pretty far out of my league. So, I was already putting a lot of attention and energy into it, but now I had reasons to be very nervous. Nevertheless, I treated it like every other audition I've been to; was calm and professional, made friends with the casting director taping the audition, and had a great time. And I'd like to think that part of that was in thanks to my friends and their support.
The other thing that with all my friends' loving wishes, was their restless curiosity. Everybody wanted to know what this big audition was for. And I did my best to let them know that they were not going to find out. I made an agreement, and I was going to honor it! Not only because I signed my name, but I want to honor the wishes of the people behind the film, and because I like fun of surprises, and I wasn't about to ruin that! Maybe a little bit for good karma too. But still, they were determined! I had a few people claiming that they could figure it out. One person even saying that she had physic abilities and pretty much knew, then asked if I wasn't allowed to tell. YES! She had this marvelous talent to write comments on my Facebook that, to the people who would be looking for any evidence of me breaking my word, could easily appear as if I had told her. I had to delete that, delete another comment, delete an article someone posted on my wall about another very similar casting which was a complete coincidence that she was oblivious to by looked like I had told her about my secret audition. It was driving me nuts.
Now I'm freaking out that the producers had a team of people checking the internet for any leaks and that they had stumbled across my page, saw this stuff, got the wrong idea, and nixed me from any future consideration. Not only that, but the audition was the day before my girlfriend and I drove up to the mountains of Northern California to visit family for the holidays, and I didn't have an internet signal to check for any of this stuff. I was losing my mind that I was going to have this opportunity ripped away from me. And that was on top of not being SAG, wondering if my read was what they were looking for, and every other usual audition paranoia inducer. And since it was the holidays, I wondered if they were going to get back to me right away or wait until the holidays were over. Then the scope of the project and having taped auditions in cities outside where it's being filmed made me wonder if a response would be be soon at all.
Well, it's been a week and a half now, so I'm going to let the nerves go and move on. Focus my attention on new auditions coming up. Though I'll still have to deter my friends from asking me about the audition. And I keep getting reminders of the project from the world. At first it was like a sign, continually seeing keywords or mementos everywhere. As if the world was telling me, this movie was for me. But now, it's like I'm just going crazy.
And I can't tell anyone!
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