The American Idiot movie is happening. I started dreaming about this almost seven years ago. But I thought seven years from then I'd be closer to being a part of it. So now the daydream that fueled the many operettas that took place in the driver's seat of my car has turned into a mere snippet from an online magazine (Playbill.com), I feel hopeless. As if I had gone through every experience chasing an idealistic dream to a glittering city only to be made an idiot of. I feel my six year character study of the Jesus of Suburbia is coming to a close, and all that's left for me to do is return home...
When I first heard about the album I was more excited for it than anything the entertainment world had come up with so far. Green Day was doing a rock opera. Nothing sounded cooler than that. I never bought things for myself except for gas money to go home and visit the girlfriend and family, but I saved up and bought the special edition from my tiny, local record store. I couldn't get over it. The album book had a story written through lyrics, letters, tirades, and sketches. These artistic glimpses gave clues and shared emotions of this true-to-life character with a larger-than-life ego, the untrustworthy environment he lived in, and a rebellious drive to reach something better. And then the story continued to the City, and meeting St. Jimmy and Whatsername. I could go on and on about how brilliant this album was.
And I did. I would spend hours talking about it to people who didn't know about it, and even longer with fans who loved it too. We'd talk about how many different ways the story could be interpreted; whether it was literal or full of metaphors, or both. I knew this album inside and out. I had some friends tell me that I probably knew the story and the character better than anyone, and others who would roll their eyes and sigh when I started talking it up again for the umpteenth time. It wasn't an obsession, but a passion.
I practiced the songs in the car. And I still listened to the album again and again. Not just because I wanted to study it and make sure I knew everything about it. But I loved it that much. I still listen to it and full and I never tire of it. It's that good! But back then I had to burn CD-Rs with the album on it because I started to wear it out so much. Then I wore out my first CD-R. Lucky for me the Dean Gray American Edit remix came out and I had something new to listen to that shook things up, and was full of even more artistry about the social climate and rebellious youth, but still was essentially the awesome album I was so into. I was also buying every entertainment magazine I could find about the band and the album. I was buying tickets to see the band perform live and in theaters in Bullet In a Bible. I was recording every show and VH1 special onto VHS tapes, just in case there was some new tidbit that I haven't discovered yet. I couldn't get enough, and fortunately there was so much to American Idiot that I never got bored with it. And there was the starry-eyed dream to be a part of the eventual feature film that I was sure would one day exist to keep me enthused about hitting play one more time.
And I went further than just listening, studying, and daydreaming. I wrote cover letters and sent my resume to Samuel Bayer's office. He was the awesome music video director who did every one of the videos from American Idiot. I read he was about to do the "Jesus of Suburbia" video, and I wanted to be a part of it in some way. It didn't matter to me that I was some college kid in Florida, I would do whatever it took to get to his California shoot. Unfortunately, two days after I wrote him, the video was premiered with Lou Taylor Pucci as the title role. I was too late to be a part of anything. Still, as determined as ever, I pursued everything I could do to get my foot in someone's door, no matter how long of a shot it was.
Then I moved to California. Shortly after arriving I found out that a theatre company in Berkeley had put together a full show using the music of American Idiot and some additional Green Day songs from their follow-up album 21st Century Breakdown. It had been cast, and rehearsed, and was now being put on stage. I read that the band couldn't imagine seeing American Idiot as a stage production, so I thought it might've been a community production or a school play or something. But I quickly learned that this was the real deal. That it was written and directed by Michael Mayer, the man behind Spring Awakening, and that even Green Day themselves were involved. So it wasn't going to be a movie, it was going to be a play after all. And I had missed out. I came to California too late to audition and have a chance to be a part of this too. And since I just moved and hadn't really gotten work yet, I didn't have the money to even see it. By the time I finally scrounged up the money to drive to Berkley and see it, it was sold out all the way until the end. I felt like a fool for not putting my name in sooner and then getting the money. But there was nothing I could do about it. It would've came and went without me.
Then the show went to Broadway. And I was floored. I couldn't believe it. I was thrilled that the show was getting national recognition and the actors were moving to a Broadway stage. I mean, so many dreams must have been fulfilled in that. And while I was still envious that none of these actors were me, I was just happy for the show, and that I may get super lucky enough that I could go to New York and see it. It was a like a second chance to be close to the show, even if I wouldn't have another chance to be in it. But then I saw the cast perform "21 Guns" at the Grammys with the band. And then they recorded the song with the band in the studio. Beyond my dream of being a part of American Idiot, there were dreams of getting to perform with Green Day that were being had by the cast. I was envious enough as it was, but this was like having it thrown in my face. And then Billy Joe Armstong joined the cast! I couldn't believe it! And not only was I not performing in "American Idiot" alongside a member of the damn band, but I still couldn't see it!!
Then the show ended, much to my dismay, but is going on tour, which gives me hope again. A possible third chance to see the show. And since I've also read they're holding auditions again, maybe I could somehow possibly have another chance to be in the show. But then again, I'm pretty sure that's stopped. So... by this point, I feel as if I've had all the chances there would be to be a part of the show. Or more accurately, I never really had a chance. I feel defeated in my attempts to move to the city and start something.
A while after the album my girlfriend and I broke up. I took it very hard, and in all the wrong ways. I felt like I needed a new persona, and being so into the character of the Jesus of Suburbia, I was inspired by him. So I came up with a new persona and called it character study. I took note of how people reacted to it, and how well it was working out for me in putting on this air of a reckless, brooding bad ass. But like JoS, I met a girl, and grew tired of the facade. And like JoS, I lost her admist deciding who I was. I experienced all this heartbreak and soul searching, and as painful as it is, I feel it's all worth it for the experience. And I would comfort myself by saying that it all helped me to better understand the Jesus of Suburbia and St. Jimmy, which would one day be helpful when I am part of the American Idiot movie.
Now, like JoS, I grew tired of my metropolis sized dreams being held down in a small town life. So I moved to the City, only to be confused in how to achieve my goals, make the wrongs choices, and find out I've missed out on it. It would make sense now to pack up and go home without even a name.
But that's one thing that differs between myself and JoS; I've still got that hope that I'll get something out of it. I'm still searching for an agent, so the next time I get an audition for a major studio feature, to have in my corner to back me up. And then maybe I can get it. And then maybe I'll make a new name for myself. And then maybe, hopefully, someone will want to tie it to the new American Idiot movie that's finally happening.
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